Life on set

       I was editing in the school's lab to do a vlog post one day and I ran into a guy who was a bit older than me who was uploading film.  We got to talking and I found out he was a rather large scale independent director.  A little more talking showed he needed crew for his next film's massacre scene.  I volunteered and today I spent all day helping on the set, which is a wonderful stepping stone to someone who wants to get into media arts more.  Experience is a good thing.  Also as an added bonus, an "extra" family member (who gets killed) was missing so they had me do it.  I got to act AND work on crew!
I also got a lot of fake blood on me, it's kinda gross, but kinda cool as well.  
Is this what fame feels like?

Hello my freaky darlings

Well I've decided to start a new blog for my comics and art.  I'll put the link on this post later today if you've actually kept that up to date on my blog.  I'm thinking of calling it steppingstone because it's all the comics (that I write) that will eventually end up on MSJAR before they are released there, plus a few that I might just make for my own purposes.
The purpose for this is that I'd really like this blog to be more for my thoughts on stuff, or just when I get good and crabby and feel like venting to no one in particular.  So if you enjoy my comics and such, you should probably go to the new blog which can be reached by this link: http://capriciouscomics.blogspot.com/
Give me views!
And it's called Capricious webcomics, which is cooler than my steppingstone idea by a long shot.

I am unapologetic.

Wir sind gleich (we are equals)

So I got pretty bored and decided to skim the internet looking for bad people.  No real reason, and trust me, you don't have to look far on the interweb.  I found a very sickly society in the neo-nazi party of America.
(Very prolonged sigh)
...
     I read a bit of their stuff on the website because I don't like to pass judgement if I was uninformed, but it was a waste of my time because all my ideas were right anyhow.  The website had a big panicked looking headline that said something like "Now 4 states are more minority than white!"  Umm.... so?  They also had merchandise covered in swastikas and somewhat uninformed looking books such as "Why race matters", "Who runs the media?" (the insinuation was that the Jews do) and "Slavery and the Jews".  If they're referring to the slavery that took place in America a long time ago (terrible practice, can't believe we did that) I don't think Jews really took any more part in it than anyone else.  Probably less actually since at the time they were newer immigrants with a little less money than some.  But what can you expect from the "master-race"?  Now I am not officially an "Aryan" (I'm mostly European, true, but I've got a bit of Native American in me and no blue eyes or blond hair), so I've never been contacted by this party, but my friend Aaron, who has blond hair and blue eyes, got the offer from them to pay for his schooling.  Being a sensible person, he didn't go for it (BYU wouldn't go for it either) and the joke's on the nazis.  Aaron's part Jewish!  Do they actually go on looks alone?  Seems kinda shallow.
      One of the agendas on the neo-nazi site was an all-aryan nation.  The premise being that there are all African nations, all Asian nations, and even an all Jewish nation (good heavens!)  so why not an all Aryan nation?  Well sorry folks, but the self-proclaimed Aryans (who are the annoying ones, there are plenty of people who could pass as Aryan who just don't consider themselves that way for simple reasons) have never really needed a country of their own.  It's implausible!  Of course if making this country didn't uproot anyone else, and all the neo-nazis went to live in it, well maybe then it's not such a terrible idea.  They'd be out of our hair at least.
      I think there's one reason that the nazis slightly trouble me and that's because a number of them know how to work the system.  They aren't all crazy people with death wishes (at least not public death wishes) who like to parade swastikas through Jewish neighborhoods (though on one occasion they did win the right to do that, thank heavens they backed out.)  The website mentioned going through smaller means like school boards and city councils.  They can legally do this and go ahead and put Nazi clubs in schools.   ...  THAT'S HOW HITLER STARTED HIS BRAINWASHING!!!!  This is troubling.
       Now, if someone with racist attitudes (the website said everyone was racist, I guess I didn't realize I don't have a choice in the matter) goes out and does something terrible, such as a bombing or shooting, they get locked up forever.  Any group they affiliated with gets investigated and often restricted if it echoed the sentiments.  The damage can't be undone and it is horrible, but any future problems from that group is prevented.  If, however, a group tries to go through only legal practices like the neo nazis attempt, they have the right to free speech to spew their crap.
        Understand me here:  I do not think that this is a grave threat.  Enough people have common sense to ignore and deflect the nazi attempts and the movement probable won't expand.  I honestly don't think it will grow any time soon.  It just seems kinda odd to me that this party still exists.  Race...
       Here's what race means to me.  I'm talking strictly the physical differences, mainly skin color.  If I compare myself, a pretty white guy, to an African American gentlemen, the only thing I'm really going to think about our different tones is "Dang, he probably doesn't sunburn... lucky!"  and that's the extent I think anyone should take in a first meeting with someone of different color.
      Seriously nazis, go outside, take a deep breath, wave to your Asian neighbor, who will be apprehensive at first because you have a swastika flag, but will relax when you take it down and throw it out.  Then go learn to golf or something.  Race is just race.  You can be proud of your own if you want, but it doesn't make it better than someone else's.  It's not.

In space

This is a decent approximation of my friends.  I apologize that there are a few inside jokes, which I know can be a pain, but I'm really just hoping to build character for these people for future comics I may draw for MSJAR (this will hopefully be posted on MSJAR anyway, I worked hard on it!)  Daniel's's the TF2 guy, Aaron's the picky candy guy (I have a bowl of free candy in my dorm, and he always complains that I mix skittles and M&Ms, sheesh) and I'm the one drifting to my doom.  Take it with my compliments.

Here it comes

It's nearing the end of the term here (summer term is a shorter one) and I still feel like I need to do something more to get used to it all.  I have no idea what it is.  My suspicion is that sometime in the near future I'm going to have a brief relapse in which I get really homesick and irritable which makes for a bad week or maybe just a day.  I mean, I've had a few rough days (who doesn't?) but nothing that put me off what was going on.  It's my theory that that will happen sometime soon, there will probably be a trigger event of some sort.
I'm not resigned to this, maybe I'll just adjust like a normal person and I'm worrying over nothing.  That'd be nice, though I think I might still prepare for it (not sure how).
On a lighter note, I'm almost done with Summer term!  The dull classes will be replaced by hopefully less dull ones!  I'm also in two dance classes (ballroom and intro to tap) mostly because I like to legitimately dance and frankly it might be a good place to meet people with similar interests.  Girl people.  Am I a single-minded genius or what?

Some art

Let me explain.  The comic which I said I might be taking over for is at myskinnyjeansarered.blogspot.com and this is one of the guest strips I've done, but I put it here because I wanted to and I found out how to edit contrast on a Macbook now, so I'm happy.  It's a journal style of comic (at least it is when Aaron writes it) so humor is not always the first goal.  Oh well, maybe I can attempt to fix that.

List of Epicness

I used to sing and act in musicals in my high school days (so not very long ago at all).  Despite the many speculations that I was homosexual because I had to prance sometimes and wear stage makeup, I quite enjoyed the experiences.  Also, I enjoy watching musicals and listening to their soundtracks, and have settled on a few that I would absolutely love to be in, as well as the character I would want to be (though I did limit myself a little based on how well I might fit the part).
Les Miserables: Enjolras, because after hearing him sing, I would go die by him in a barricade!  (Realistically, I think I might be a better part for his drinking friend, but this is just a dream anyhow.)
Fiddler on the Rood: Perchik, he's got good songs and the lines of a rebel.  Though for a second choice, I would gladly play the Russian who sings the solo in "To Life".
Wicked: Boq.  Poooooooor Boq.  I would definitely be a good actor for Boq.
Phantom of the Opera: I don't think I could pull off the phantom (awesome as that would be) and I certainly wouldn't want to be Raoul, but I think I would enjoy playing Andre or Firmin (the managers).
Bye Bye Birdie: This is a rather light-hearted show which I would crave the lead role of Albert (again, as I did this show in High School s Albert).  His songs are good and he's a semi-crazed person which I think I could act as pretty well.  (Might not even have to act)
Sweeney Todd:  Don't get me wrong, this show isn't my favorite as I'm not a fan of the carnage and ideals (and I sorta distrust anyone who is a fan of the ideals) but the music is such that I think I would like to play Anthony.  He's one of the only male characters who doesn't die or assist in murder.  I guess I might also like playing the simple Toby.

I would, however, trade any of these roles for a steady part in the Doctor Who TV series.  Undoubtedly.

Here I am

Been at this family reunion since Friday, it's pretty fun, though I'll be back at school on Monday for classes.  It's kinda nice to only have to drive four hours to get to my Grandma's house instead of 25...
On a sort of related note, this part of southern Utah is about 1200 feet higher than the valley Provo is which is actually pretty inconvenient because I have to go through minor altitude sickness again.  The migraines can be pretty horrible (which the many hours on the Wii with my brothers hasn't helped) but I can't say I haven't been there before sadly enough.  Thank heavens for pain killers!  Now what they need to make is pain annihilators... that aren't marijuana based...
So I normally don't like to reference Facebook in this because then I might have to admit to myself that I'm addicted, but I noticed today that it's got a even better way to creep (which I actually don't do that much) which is the "view friendship" button.  It basically just shows all the interactions and things you have in common with whomever you choose to view with.  I did it with a very old friend of mine and frankly got a bit nostalgic.  Not gonna lie, this college thing/my life will never be the same thing, is really taking its time to sink in.  Good thing I have some friends here otherwise I probably would be doing a lot worse.  The one thing I refuse to do is wash out.  I WON'T!
(Still haven't met any women, like literally the only females I've conversed with in the last few weeks have been related to me.)

I finished The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time...  I've wanted to do that since I was very young...
A dream came true today

Mmhmm...

Yes hello, are you there?  I hope all's going well with your life.  Are your endeavors paying of?  Are you following your dreams and fighting adversity?  Don't let someone else decide your life y'know.  Otherwise you might not get to where you want to be.
Has your life so far been easy?  Or has it been difficult?  No matter what, someone has it better and someone has it worse.  Such is life.
How was your day today?  If it's early in the day, then how was your evening yesterday?  I do so hope it went well.  Seriously, I do.  I might not even know you, but I hope you are having a good life.
...
Well anyways, I had a decent day yesterday too I think.  I put the final nail in my social coffin by putting together a Dungeons and Dragons character.  (Well I guess I'll have my D&D group)  Is that a turn on to any girls out there?  Just checkin'.  I've been getting more into comic-y art lately, and I might post some up. Also, I have a friend who's running a sort of comic/journal thing on his blog which has quite a few followers which I do guest strips for occasionally.  I don't think they're posted yet, but they will soonish.  It's at myskinnyjeansarered.blogspot.com for your knowledge.  Also, the author is going on his mission soon and is leaving the blog and comics with me and a couple other friends so the artwork will not be as good, but might have a good element of humor, I don't know.
Oh, Harry Potter tonight.  I've been there from beginning to end!

Just generic whining again

         I don't dislike social interaction.  I mean, I may not be the socialest of butterflies, but I'm no antisocial.  That is, I don't want to be.  Hanging out with people is something I enjoy, though I'm not particularly good at it.  I'd like to meet new people.  I'd be ok with meeting girl people, frankly.  I wouldn't say I'm lonely, because I do have a couple of pretty good friends here.  Maybe I'm just adjusting to starting at base one more slowly than others.  The problem is that while I take my time, they're all out making friends in a method that is unfathomable to me.
Interesting.
          Heck, some guys here already have girlfriends here from what I can tell.  I'm not saying that that's a goal of mine (ok, yes it it, who am I kidding?)  I guess I'm just socially slow.  Probably no big surprise to anyone who knew me back home.  For some reason it keeps surprising me though.
right ok, bye

:(

Normally I don't put photos on my blog because I'm just mega lazy, but I saw this on a friends blog and I'm not gonna lie, I got close to crying.  I'd put myself at a class "B" Potter fan, but even that part of the book almost made me not finish.

*sniff*

Randomness #7

I'm in class, but it's taken boredom to a whole new level of uniqueness...  Plus the notes are online, and it looks like all the test answers are there, but I guess I'm old fashioned and I actually go to the lectures.  The subject is one I'm actually interested in (Psychology).

-Ocarina of Time took my whole day yesterday and I only got through the water temple (otherwise known as the impossible temple) I confess I used the walkthrough a bit.

-I'm pretty sure I've got a slight fever that was worse last night.  Oh dear.

-To me, there's hardly any difference between a chocolate muffin and chocolates cupcakes, besides the frosting.  Apparently they're quite differently made, but frankly I just think they are both delicious (though I confess to feeling better about myself if I choose the muffin for some reason.)

-New Vlogs out!  Pretty fun stuff there!  Also, Aaron has a Vlog too, which you can link to from mine if you feel so inclined.

-I want a recumbent bicycle...  Badly.  Also on the "odd transportation that seems awesome to me" list:  Segway.

-When I said segway I though of subway, which might be my favorite restaurant on campus.  On a related note, my student dining card has a HUGE money back up because I don't eat much (which is to the fault of the church and athletic camps here, they clog up lines!) so I've actually just bought random people food.  Technically I bought a girl dinner.  Yay?

-The new Harry Potter movie is out soon, which I guess I'm pretty excited for.  I'm not a Harry Potter super fan, but I do enjoy the series as well as most of the movies (the fourth movie was not top-notch).

-I would never hate someone because they were beautiful.  Unless they told me "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful"... then there might be a bad taste in my mouth.

-Actually, I've noticed a change in how attractive a person seems to me based on their personality.  An example is when I asked a girl who at first looked quite fine in my eye, but she rejected me in a cold manner and then I found out that she actually had the personality of a nearly dead horse.  Curiously, though she didn't change her outer image at all, I could not for the life of me find her beautiful anymore.

-How now brown tow-truck?  (wait... what?)

-I think my favorite pieve of Classical music would definitely have to be Mozarts Symphony 40 in G minor.  For Baroque, Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor,which I realize is just generic Bach, but I've actually listened to his other works, so I can actually claim it.  His "little" fugue in G minor is also good.  Though I admit I'm a sucker for any pipe organ song in a minor key.  Oh I'm in Music 202 by the way.  I dislike renaissance music for the most part and we haven't started Romantic Era yet, though arguably Beethoven has a romantic sound to his works.

-I'm not depressed today!

Scientific method

The steps of the scientific method, as applied to me, because I'm going to be as egocentric as I want on this blog that hardly anyone reads.  Ha.
First, let's review what the actual steps are:

• • 
    Ask a Question
  • Do Background Research
  • Construct a Hypothesis
  • Test Your Hypothesis by Doing an Experiment
  • Analyze Your Data and Draw a Conclusion
  • Communicate Your Results

Ok, here we go:
Question:  Is it possible for Khail Ballard to meet a fine woman in college?  (like seriously, is it even doable?!?!)
Background research:  In high school Khail did in fact have a few girlfriends with whom he spent good fun times with.  It also seemed that they inexplicably liked Khail back, maybe even loved him.  (Khail dabbled with love, it can suck sometimes, but not always).  However, since his most recent split coupled with a move to a far away land (Utah) Khail is back to base one, which is awkward shyness around girls.
Hypothesis:  Maybe if Khail lights his hand on fire or does some of his other not-particularly-safe fire tricks, women will be impressed and he will have a chance to break the ice.
...
That's as far as I've gotten, hypothesis is still untested.  Also I run the risk of burning my hand off, it's been awhile since I've done this.  

Where am I going with this

An image is a curious thing.  It's also something that is supposedly inescapable, though I've tried.  I guess it's not something everyone thinks about a lot.  The "if I do this, what will my image be?" syndrom strikes some and not others.  I would say I have a slightly mild case of it, but that's besides the point.
What I want to know is if someone's image is who they actually are?  Acting different around people than you do one your own is pretty much second nature to most people I believe.  However, just because we act different with folks doesn't necessarily mean that that's not who we are.
What I mean is that one's "image" is probably more of an act than most people realize.  When we do things to be who we like to be in front of people, we take that upon ourselves and it becomes who we are slowly (in most cases).
I'll use myself as an example, because arguably I know me better than anyone else... maybe.
So for a good portion of high school I was in the "finding myself" stage that a lot of insecure folks like myself go through.  It carried slightly on to college, but with the addition of two new friends (Daniel and Aaron, you'll probably hear more about them) I've sorta gotten better about figuring out things that I like.

And it's all the things I said I liked so I could look indie in High school...

By just showing myself as the indie/nerdy guy (cuz I sure couldn't pull of jock or prep) I've really begun to enjoy indie/nerdy things and I guess I could accurately say that that's not only my image, but who I really am.
Don't get me wrong, I'll still march to the beat of my own drummer instead of bending to my supposed image, but I sure have taken to it.
This post made more sense in my mind than in writing.


And for some reason, after multiple months, I thought of Trocker for no reason except to miss her.  Weird weird weird weird odd dumb weird weird.... grr

Feelin' better

I might have still been crabby if I hadn't taken drastic measures to prevent it.  I bought an N64 and Zelda: Ocarina of Time.  This has been a goal of mine for a long time.  I'm happy now.
Very happy

I'm in a state of angst

Angsty angsty angstness.  Grrr, I hate you all.
No not really, you're probably all fine people.  I'm just being crabby all of sudden for a bunch of stupid reasons.  My life's fine, I'm just... oh... depressed right now.  This bugs me because I've been fending that off pretty which is partially due to the fact that it's almost always sunny in Provo and that can actually have an effect on moods.
But not this one.  This is a straight up, no foolin' around, I feel so worthless and unaccomplished low down funk.  Blahghremuggle...
I guess there a few things that nag me, and they aren't causing the angst, but they aren't helping:
-Inconsistent eating, yesterday I had nearly nothing
-Really weird and sometimes unsettling dreams of things I though I was done with
-I got turned down from a really nice job that I thought I had a solid chance at. :'(
-I haven't really gotten to know any people of the opposite gender.  (I'm not saying it's totally important to, but I think it'd be neat to meet some nice girls, but it seems like they sure don't want to meet me)
-I might not have on-campus housing for Fall semester, due to my own stupidity.

An odd thing that I do when I'm in a crummy mood is that I nearly always perpetuate it by listening to depressing music and going sorta reclusive (well MORE reclusive because I'm useless, remember?)  Frankly sometimes I wonder how I get out at all, but usually a decent nights sleep will do it... as long as my dreams stay sane.

I... I just need to get some sleep, dang it.  I swear sometimes I feel like I fit nowhere.  Nowhere at all.


...
Happy freaking July