I will try to heal others

So I've realized in my recent posts I've been complaining about being lonely and the like.
...
I'm not sorry.  I am lonely and know that it's partially my fault.  And I'm also not afraid to say that by lonely I mean "girl" lonely.  I've gone the longest without either having a girlfriend or even a crush in 6 freaking years.  That's pathetic, but it's who I am I guess.  No, not I guess.  It's who I am.
        I am someone who wants to be there for someone and who has someone be there for him when he gets really low on life.  Is that wrong?  I realize it's not for everyone, but it is for me.  So there.
...
Now for some more serious things.

            Today I'm once again trying to help a friend.  It's a kind of help I've given before.  Ah frick, I'm not gonna be mysterious, I've got a friend who has hinted at suicide.  I had another friend do that, and I did the sensible thing of calling for help.  Technically I called the police, even though I knew it could have killed our friendship, but it did save this person's life I believe. (And she did forgive me).
        Now it's happening again with someone else, and I will do what I can to prevent this.  Might be tough because I'm 1250 miles from this person this time.  However, there's already some hopeful leads here.  I will not quit on others.

Gurrrrl

      I noticed a little habit I picked up.  I'm not sure if it's a good one or not, just yet.  If I'm walking to anywhere and I happen to see a female who I find attractive, I don't look twice.  I don't double take or do the passing-smile thing.  I look forward nearly immediately.  Currently, I don't know why I do this, though as usual I have a few little theories.
THEORY #1
        I am simply making sure I'm not that guy who stares in the road.  That creepy guy.  Who is obviously scoping out women, or as he puts it, "chasing tail".  I mean, even if I did look twice, that's not how my line of thought goes, but it's better safe then sorry.
THEORY #2
        I'm afraid of girls.  Especially pretty girls.
THEORY #3
        I'm afraid of love.  Not saying by looking at a girl twice will immediately throw us into la la land (that's stupid), but if I don't look again to see what she looks like, I can keep myself from even thinking of fantasizing.  Safety first!

Well, I have my first dance class in just half an hour or so, so maybe there's a change in the wind!  Woooosh!

Tolerance

        This term is looking pretty good class wise.  I've got sociology, two dance classes, Intro to film, and intro to creativity.  I like that.  I also got a job at the cafeteria here, which I need to go to in a few hours, but that's irrelevant.  Prep cooking is what I do, which beats the heck out of custodial, let me tell you (though we still clean plenty).  I'm in a good building, found some good books and can always spend time on Minecraft if I get too bored which I probably won't because I've also got a couple friends here (Daniel and Jacob, Aaron left).
        Now there's the matter of my roommate.  ... This is where I'm going to learn a lesson in tolerance you see.  Don't get me wrong, he seems like a nice enough fellah.  Doesn't snore, which is a HUGE plus.  However, he is a gamer.  I don't have any problems with gamers... But I do have a problem with subwoofers.  They're good for a little pumping dubstep rave deal, but for Nazi Zombies?  I can feel the explosions throughout my whole body!  How does he stand it??  Maybe I'm just a bit sound sensitive, but seriously?
         Ok, so loud gamin in the middle of the day, not actually all that bad, but now I'm hearing talk of movie parties in here... aw man, I hate that cuz I'm usually in bed by midnight, seems like a good time for it, and I have the sneaking suspicion that they will go past midnight.  With a subwoofer.
Well, I will adapt I guess.

I guess I'm just not a loud person in nearly every respect.

Minecraft

Yes that's right folks, I've been indoctrinated to the world of Minecraft and let me tell you it's a drug!  I love the adventure to it!  The fact that there's no way to "win" kinda makes it even better! With a game like Ocarina of time, you spend a good deal of time trying to do quests and kill bad guys and then you win and then.... what?  I mean I guess you could replay it a few times and get the secret candies or whatever are out there, but it gets dull quick.  With Minecraft ya just keep going!  You can build big cool things and show them off and such (I made a pirate ship, it's sweet) and there's ALWAYS more to explore!  I'm currently in what I'm calling the Cave of Death, cuz it's easy to get lost in, and currently poorly lit, so I've met with my fair share of zombies skeletons and creepers (if your not a minecrafter, you should know that creepers are silent monsters that run up to you and blow up, damaging whatever you were building as well as yourself).
In fact, here's a little comic I found about creepers.

It's accurate, but I can't help but feel that the little creeper guy is just so cute.

Kohle

           That word is German (?) for Coal.  There's no reason, I just like the word (in German).  Today I will be going to this mysterious place called Jump On It, which apparently has lots of things to, well, jump on.  Gong with Daniel and a few other folks, quite excited.  I also made a vlog post today, but probably won't post until tomorrow because.... because.

           So my newest thing that I've been watching is Phineas and Ferb, my brother and sister in law introduced me formally, and I must admit I love it (Ferb's my favorite).  So that's pretty cool.  Seriously, that's all I have to say on the matter, usually I get into things like that, but it's not a terribly complicated show (though there is humor that can be for both kids and adults, so that works).  Yeah.  No real musings today.  I'm pretty glad my migraine of earlier went away, thank you pills!  I better get off the computer so as not to encourage it to resurface.

Do good things!

Oh please, shut up Khail

Sometimes I kinda feel like an empty shell.  Like there's a world of things that I don't have a clue about and that I will be most definitely alone in the end.
And then sometimes I feel great!  However, I can't say this is one of those times.
My solution is a bit of tea, methinks!

I DON'T WANT TO UPDATE RIGHT NOW!  Oh and I'm not updating my comics on saturday/sunday anymore.

Fin

       Well my first term of college is really pretty much officially over, and I'm still alive and in not terrible health.  I DID IT!
       Next term will be cool too with many more classes, not to mention that I got a job at the Cannon Center as a prep cook!  Woo!!  So there is excitement in this!  Victory is mine!
       Today I move into my brother and sister's apartment for between terms, in which they will not be present cuz they're out of town.  Just me for eleven days (though me and Daniel will do a few day trips which should alleviate the boredom).  I think it'll be a great time to work on some comics and other such distractions.  Might even start to attempt to get in shape before dance class (because you need strength to dance... that's my only reason... seriously... no other intentions... none... )
        As for my comics, I broke my first art pen and if I buy a new one it means I'm officially doing this.  Weird!!!

My first experience with finals

So I have both my finals today and I think I've done some good prepping:
Studied: check
Eaten kinda healthily: Check
Getting a good nights sleep before: ...
I TRIED to, I really did!  I went to bed at the obnoxiously early hour of 11!  I had a bit of trouble drifting off at first, but at about half past I was of to sleepville.
That's when somebody decided to break the "quiet hours" with their obnoxiously loud laugh right... outside... my door...
This continued until midnight.  I was agitated (I can't sleep well in a noisy place)
I was so agitated that I honestly lay awake trying to sleep til 1.
Then I figured I might as well go pee.
...
One pee later
...
I recalled upon coming back to my door that you need a key to open a door.  And that I had no idea where my roommate was.
...
Sitting in front of my door, in my bathrobe, ruing my current existence I finally see a friend of my roommate come into the hall.  He took me to my roomie who let me into my room.
I fall asleep at maybe 2-2:30, three hours later than planned.
I wake up at 7:40 for my final, feeling utterly exhausted.
...
...
I need to have some dead puppy pancakes with dead kitten syrup served to me in a skull of a man who suffered a violent death.

LATER NOTE:  I think I did alright on my music final, so I'll spare the kittens, but I did poorly on my psych final so I shall turn my blender on liquify for the rest of my demonic meal

Dumb cloud

You ruined the perfect blue sky, little single cloud!

Also, I got Rickrolled today, how retro is that?

another one of those "explanations"

         I don't think love is a disease or drug to be honest.  I've just had a few friends who have had bad luck with it recently, so I did what I could to help.  It also brought up some of my failings and I wrote a blog post about it again.  So if you liked it, then that's great, and if you didn't, then I apologize.
         So I've been considering dreams again because I had a few more vivid ones last night (they were vivid at the time, but now they're pretty unclear.  Stupid faulty dream memory).  All I remember is that they were both very good, but in different ways.  One was future good, in that it involved my playing the game Zelda :Windwaker, which is on my "once I get money I'll buy this" list.  The other was past good, in that it was "these are memories I never want to lose, but won't be repeated ever again most likely".  The future good one I have no qualms with because it's a realistic dream that will probably be realized sometime in the near future.
            Now the past good dream...  I almost wonder if I would've rather not had it.  The reasoning is a weak-willed one and that's that the past won't happen again and I was forced to relive it.  I woke up to the dismay of finding out that it had been a dream and that I'm still here as a finding-himself kinda lonely college guy.   Was that brief interlude in my sleep worth it?  I can't say...  Would I have rather had a nightmare?  Probably not, so I guess it was better than the alternative.

A synopsis

It affects blood pressure.  In fact, certain stimuli can cause momentary flushing.  Hormones in the mind are affected and increased in some manners.  Pulse rates vary, in some cases individual heartbeats are affected and sometimes even skipped.  Nausea and anxiety are common.  Although not physically, the symptoms can be spread or even sought with prolonged exposure to another with them through a mental process.  Curiously, unpleasant side-effects can become even more severe after the stimuli are removed, showing signs of withdrawal.
Based on this evidence, romantic love is either a disease or a drug.   Curious

This is me

         I surrender again my social ability to experience.  I did almost talk to someone of opposite gender, but alas, insecurity (and Daniel a bit) met me and killed that chance.  Ah well.  I admit I was a bit more down about this yesterday, but truthfully I'm not feelin' all that bad about it right now.  Not exactly sure why, probably just this weird rationalization system.
         Sort of like how I'm trying to rationalize playing Civilization IV in Psych right now...  It's a good game and Psych is SO dull... but I really shouldn't.  I won't... hopefully.
         Actually because I don't really talk to girls here I think my friends think I'm just not that interested in them.  Not gay, just not seeking female companionship.  That's not true, I am certainly interested in girls and would like to meet a few.  In fact, this is the first time in my life (since, I don't know 7th grade?) that I've not had either a girlfriend or crush on some girl.  How sad is that?
       I should probably stop typing now, or I will get a bit down.  I'm otherwise in a good mood today.