New Blog

You may have noticed I never post here anymore.  I decided to start a new blog in which I will be adding little crummy doodles to accentuate what I'm saying, plus it will be more organized.
http://raisethegates.tumblr.com/
is the place to find me saying the stupid things I say now!  Go check it out, yo homes!

Experiment

I could whine about depression again, but you've got lives to live and I have better things to say.

So, if you didn't know, I'm looking into going into the sound recording technology major, which is in the music department.  My ideal jobs would be either a music recorder (hopefully one day getting my own studio) or a folie artist.  Anytime you hear a cool sound effect in a movie or TV show, you can thank the folie artist that made and recorded it (and probably edited it too).
Basically sound is going to be very important to me for the next rest of my life (and I have imperfect eardrums.  Am I an idiot?)
So in order to become better acquainted with what will become my most important sense, I'm doing an experiment this memorial day.  I'm going blind.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do, as a simple scarf around my head won't cut it, and duct tape could rip out all my eyelashes, but I'll figure it out.  By going blind for a day, I hope to be able to perceive and recognize sounds and thus be more able to recreate them in a controlled environment (which would be cool as a music recorder and extremely useful as a folie artist).

Obviously, I cannot function perfectly as a blind man.  I have a decent internal compass, so moving about my dorm shouldn't be a problem, but I want to get outside.  Fortunately, my roommate Daniel has agreed to assist me in this endeavor, in that he will keep me from dying.  That's always nice.  Thank you Daniel.

So let's hope this goes well.

Nope

Nope nope nope nope nope so much nope.

That's from a youtube.  Why haven't I updated my youtube recently?  I don't know.  I can't say.  I wanted to practice three hours of organ today but it looks like I'll only get in two, because if I went now it would be fruitless.  I'm unfocused.  I'm unstable.

What?

I put on a hoodie with no shirt for no reason.  Why did I do that?  Why am I this way?  Can I be better?  Sure I can.  Will I be better?  Maybe... I don't know


Oh carry on my wayward son just came on.  That's probably good.

So much nope.

Awright, das fine

Hey, it's been awhile, hasn't it?  I bet no one reads this post because they've all given up on me being on the internet.  I haven't even done a vlog post recently.  Well at least my comic's been running smoothly lately.  You should go check it out, right?

So what've I been up to... hmmmmm.  Well Spring term is sprung and I'm really liking my classes.  They're, piano, organ, and new testament in case you forgot.  The best, however, is Organ.  Pipe Organs are my favorite instrument and now I'm learning to play them?!?! frickin AWESOME!  I'm putting in 2 hours a day plus class, which is pretty good for me as I've had trouble in the past with practicing things.  Yay Khail!

On a lesser note, the girl I was attracted to decided to (very sweetly and politely) turn me down.  We're still friends, but maaaaaan.  Oh well, I'm really not hurt or nothing like that, just a bit disappointed.  It was last week anyhow.
I also have recently invented a delicious shake.  But it's a SECRET!  Ok, no it's not, because the fact that you read this blog should finally have a reward, so here's my amazing shake recipe:
In a blender, mix up:
5-6 largish scoops of cookies 'n cream ice cream
2 tsp of vanilla extract (imitation ok)
2 tbsp of honey (approximately, I didn't actually measure these)
1 can of Dr. Pepper

Mix until liquid.  It's not the thickest of shakes, but very good.

I'm also planning on tweaking that recipe to make it both tastier and thicker.  Probably more ice cream would help, but I've got a pretty small blender.

As for my "emotional health"  (such a stupid phrase, makes me sound like I'm gonna run off and kill some bros).  Well, ah, I guess I'd say I've been 60% good, maybe 65%, still that's 35% of the time that I feel "off", but I'd only put about 4% of that as actually getting really down on myself.  I think that's pretty good.  Besides, I'm starting to think that being genetically predisposed to be depressed sometimes has given me perspective more than anything.

Darn

I've been doing so well?!  Why am I depressed again?!

It could be the change in location just taking a brief toll... it could be my inability to utter a word around certain female... it could be uncertainty about what my future holds.... it could be an imbalance of nor epinephrin and/or serotonin.

This is not fun

That old feeling

It's the last day before I move to a new dorm with Daniel, and also the day a LOT of the friends I've made go home for Spring/Summer.  For some reason it felt familiar.
Then I realized what it felt like:
I used to camp with some guys from my church every now and then.  We also did week long hiking trips every now and then.  We got to know the best and the worst of each other while on these trips, and we always had adventures.  Campfire smoke became a scent we all adopted (it usually covered our body odor pretty well) and we all hailed the easily boiled meals that we had packed.  Disasters struck every now and then and we all had to move through them, and there were also plenty of amazing and hilarious moments that made everything worth it.  In the end we were worn out, smelly, and full of memories.  We knew that we were going back to a world of comfort and luxury compared to the bush we had shuffled through (And occasionally the swamps).  Even getting into the car was a relief to our strained muscles and we knew a hot shower and a rock-free bed awaited us.
And yet there's was still  that lingering smell of campfire smoke on our clothes, even after we had cleaned ourselves up, as if to remind us that we were by no means to forget the time spent and the adventures had.  We'd all be friends still, but not much could compare.

I'm sort of feeling the same way now as everyone goes on to take on different this 'n that's in their lives now that freshman year is done.... but there will always be this distinct feeling of campfire smoke when I think about the time we had...

Places

Well our college church ward had it's last little get together tonight.  Sad days.  Life I guess.

So.... there's a girl...  It's been quite some time since there's been a girl.  Like... I mean... what do I DO?  A:  Ask her out
I already did that, now what?
A:  Ask her out again if you think she enjoyed herself
Well.... yeah I think she did... and we do talk a good deal I suppose... and get along quite well... But what do I do?
A:  Repeating myself like this is tiring
Sorry
A:  No problem
Any good date ideas?
A:  Uh...  you're on your own for that...
So, I guess I have a crush on someone once again.  That's peculiar.  The good news is that she's staying for spring, and in the same complex as me, so I have many chances to fail at flirting.
Yippee!

Sweet mother of finals!

Man I haven't posted in ages it seems like!  I must've been happy, as this is a whiny blog and I haven't had too much to whine about.  That's kinda nice!
So I guess I'll go back to this blog being a mix of my life and various ideas/philosophies I have.  Recently my life's philosophy is a mix between "go with the flow" and "roll with the punches".  I used to (and still sometimes do) stress out about the small things.  Maybe not on a social level as much, since I'm fairly chill as to my "image" and such.  More so about how good I'm doing at school, with my music, and various other hobbies.  While I still recognize that these aren't things I can just roll with, I'm now of the persuasion that when I mess up, I'll still wake up tomorrow and the world will still be turning (well there's a good 99% chance of that barring my untimely death or the apocalypse).
It's a bit generic, but something nice to live by, and I think it's been doing me a world of good.  Haven't been depressed very often at all lately (spring weather is helping too).

Finals week is upon me next week!  But thank heavens that due to early finals, I only have three and should be done with them by wednesday, and then I'm done with this semester!  Woo!  And spring term is gonna be AWESOME!
Do you know why?  I'll tell you why:
In Spring, one only needs 6 credit hours to be a fulltime student.  So I'm taking a piano class, and organ class, a new testament class and I'll still be working as a prep cook.  So basically Spring is gonna be all about music, food, and Jesus.  Way chill!  Maybe I'll gain the courage to ask certain female out again, cuz she's staying too.
I'm content.

Post

Here's a post.   Tada!

Technically..

I'd rather not meet the girl of my dreams, because I always wake up from dreams and rarely remember much of them anyway.  What good would that be?
I also don't want someone perfect.  I'd feel terribly redundant.
She also won't be the apple of my eye, because that phrase makes no sense to me whatsoever.
We won't share a soul, because we both have one, so if we share, where does the extra one go?  Seems unfair to it...
I wouldn't do everything for her.  I can think of a few things that are either physically impossible or insanely stupid that I would prefer not to do on request.
She wouldn't mean the world to me.  The world is infinitesimal in comparison to the rest of the universe.  I should at least pick a few galaxies or something, though that's still infinitesimal.
I would probably die for her if it came to that, though in all honesty I'd prefer we both stayed alive.
I won't say we have "something special" because love has happened probably billions of times.  Not saying it's not special to us, but to assume it's only us is naive.


I used to be more romantic then this...

I guess I should address that it's now been one full year (a leap year I guess) since my last break up meaning that I've now been stag for a year, which is the longest I've been single since Sophomore year in high school.  I really don't feel any sense of remorse over it any longer (to feel that for a year would be downright pathetic) and I actually had my first real (not encouraged by a third party) date since then yesterday, which went well by the way. 

Still, it's an interesting dynamic to take into account in that a year ago I was feeling essentially obliterated in a way I didn't think COULD wear off, and now only one year of my life later I'm doing just fine.

Life is curious.

Panicing.

So I'm going to panic for a bit here... 

Ehh actually no, I'm not.  I'm keeping entirely calm.  I'm up to date on classes, doing well at work, I don't have a migraine today (they've been plaguing me all week!).  Actually I'm taking steps to reduce the amount of migraines I have, one of them being thatI won't sleep in and also I want to reduce the amount of tine I spend on the computer.  Can't hurt.  Also, I'm trying to eat more regularly instead of the "on-the-fly" vending machine raids.  Gotta keep tha-

ugh, after watching downton abbey, I'm thinking in a British accent.

-t blood sugar level.

I guess the only reason to be even slightly panicked is that my date is on Tuesday.  Apparently I do pretty well with people (lately) but a one-on-one encounter with an attractive female who I toy with the idea of having feelings for is worrisome.

Well 'ere's to luck.  Cheers!

boasting

So, I'm going to brag a bit here.  I have a date next week, tuesday (I know tuesday sounds like a weird time for a date, but it's what worked).  I've gone on a few dates since coming to college, but this one is different!  Because this time I sought it out with the full intent of making an impression.  Well I hope I do anyway.  Also it's realy the first date that I wasn't set up on, egged into, or decided it was a date halfway through the date in... well, a year.
Dang.
I'm realizing that my date is on the 27th... which is one day before the anniversary of my last breakup.  Go figure.  Not saying that this date I'm going on will result in relationship.
And of course I would finally take interest 3 weeks before finals...  I hope she's staying for spring.  Or not, depending on how the date goes :3


On another note, I'm in a downright good mood today.  I've been doing better with spring weather peeking into my life lately, but I would say I'm happy today.  Hooray!

Randomness #9

Good old randomness.  I realize that everything on this blog is random, but in these posts the randomness is  even more quick and in small bursts.

Did I mention my greatest fear is wasps?  Totally wasps.  Bees and bumblebees aren't great either but there's a certain debilitating fear of the sickening hanging legs of the most vile insect upon the face of this earth.  This might stem from the 1.5 inch pitch black wasps that occasionally plagued my yard in summer when I was a kid.  Those.  Were.  Terrifying.

So... I .... might be possibly acknowledging the notion of the possibility for the potential attempt at asking someone out.  Like, for more than just... asking someone out.  I mean, it's very slightly possible.  In that I'm unsure whether there is some sort of "feelings" for her, but I'm also pretty sure that there aren't not feelings. Man, I WOULD think this 3 weeks before finals.

Apple juice is delicious!

Oh crap, I have clean checks today!  And a midterm!  And I'm donating blood!  MAN I'm glad I withdrew from Chemistry.  I would absolutely die today if I hadn't.

I try to give blood a lot.  It's giving without doing much more than laying there... and bleeding.

I realized the other day how downright terrible I am at recycling.  I could do much better at that, though honestly I question just how useful recycling some things are.  I've that recycling paper takes more energy than planting trees, but that might be wrong.

My vlog has been getting better and getting more views!  One of my next posts will include a piano and me not playing it.  Someone will be playing it, but not me.

If I had a million dollars... I'd... pay for school... then... umm... buy a really nice camera and other sorts of recording equipment... then... then I'm not a sure.  I'd buy you a fur coat, but not a real fur coat that's cruel.

I hav never punched someone with serious intent of causing harm.  Ever.

I got offered weed while I was walking on a sidewalk by a bunch of guys in a beat up car, who had stopped at a stoplight.  I turned these entrepreneurs down.

Feelin' pretty good today, 

This

I'm trying this new little outlook on life of "go with the flow" and "roll with the punches".  It's sort of an acceptance of how life is, not always how I'd ideally want it to be. that doesn't mean
I should still try to improve it, but rather I shouldn't dwell too much on howI can't seem to improve it in some ways.

Usually this new view works pretty well, but unfortunately my frickin' turbulent emotions still can't let me be sometimes.  I'm getting better at settling myself down or picking myself up than I used to in Summer and especially Fall, but it's still largely unfun sometimes.

Foo

Now that I've dropped chem, life seems more simple.  Thank you withdraw button!

The times are toughening

Got back from my brother's wedding... ok, missed friday and Monday classes, no big deal right?
Well, I don't know what we added to our dance for tap... hmm
- I missed (yet another) assignment in Chemistry because I missed lectures.  At least we already took the second midterm for that one, which I failed.  Maybe I should withdraw...
- American heritage!  Iusually am alright missing a few lectures there and- what?  Paper due in labs... tomorrow!?!?!?  Hmm, well... I suppose, when I get off class tonight... at 5 (well, I'll be totally ready at 5:30 if I choose to eat, which I probably should).  Oh, and the midterm's next week... wonderful.
- Severe and hazardous weather!  Hey, I got on top and even got my assignment in on time!  Go me, I'm finally on top he- sorry what?  Oh the midterm IS this week.  Well, uh, well... goawayrightnow
- Book of Mormon Class!  I was already behind, but getting a bit caught up.  Yes I realize the midterm's today through friday, thankyouverymuchyouuselessuniversityeducationwhichissofarstressingmemorethaneducatingmewhichseemscounterproductive.
- I always do well in theater class!  Rehearsal friday at 5... well if I do my midterm then, which I should, I probably won't be eating.  Frick.

The reason I  can't do much on Thursday is due to my two normal classes, work, and apparently family services has to look inside my brain to see if I'm good for a mission.  I bet you they tell me I suffer from mild to moderate depression.  I bet they take over an hour to say it though.  I HATE redundancy in conversation.

Maybe if I go mad, I can get out of some of this stuff.

Thought

I was thinking tha-
WOAH NELLY I forgot I have to pack to go home for my brother's wedding!  Maybe next time, guys!

Musicals

Here's a preface to this:  I will probably be leaving for my 2 year mission (wherever it may be) in Summer.  I'm glad to go.
Keep this in mind.

So!  If I had the option to be in any musical, I doubt I could choose just one!  Here's a list of staged musicals I would love to be in!  As well as the character I would like to be (it is tempered by the characters I think I could play.  In other words, I won't put a character that I like if I would make a lousy actor for it).

1. Fiddler on the roof - Perchik.  I could mak a good Perchik (even if I'm pretty sure I'm spelling his name wrong...)
2. Phantom of the Opera - The Phantom.  A kid can dream, I'd be happy with a chorus part here too, though.
3. Wicked - Boq.  Boq was pretty much written for me.
4. Ragtime - Obviously I couldn't play one of the black guys, but I'd make an alright Tateh, given a fake beard
5. Man of La Manch - Sancho.  I'd need a fat suit for it.
6. Les Miserables - Not picky, although if I were a little more intimidating I'd want to be Javert, but I don't think I'd have a chance at that.

If I could be in all these shows, I could die happy (I was already in fiddler on the roof, so that's one!)

Well look at that!  Auditions at BYU for Phantom of the Opera are coming up soon!  When's the performance.
...
January of 2013.
Well.
umm
Ok
That's fine
I
I didn't really want to anyway
Probably wouldn't have gotten in

Yeah

I'm happy to go on my mission

I swear!

...

...
dang, this is a trial

Uh oh, existential ennui is beginning to bloom within me.

HOLD ... IT... OFF!

Maybe I can sleep it off?

I'm gonna ignore the pain in where I can only assume my appendix is.  It's probably nothing.  Ignoring how many times I threw up this morning, though that was probably from the migraine.

Existential crisiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis, stay away!  I'm ... happy isn't the right word... content with my place in the universe and my relative size!  Go away crushing thoughts!