My "good" friends

     Here are two letters I've composed:

#1

       Dear acne and voice cracks,

I understand we've been together for awhile.  Sometimes we've had our troubles and embarrassing moments, but you've stayed with me for a very long time.  Unfortunately, I'm growing up!  Heck, I'm going to be 19 in less than 5 months, so I hate to sound cold, but you're just a little immature now.  A few years ago I could only be expected to be with you, but now we've been together maybe a little too long.  I'm sorry, but it's time we went our separate ways.  Stay strong, there will be others, but it's time for you to leave me.  Please?

With all due respect,

Khail

...

Ok, this next one is to something more real

#2

      Dear Fox,

In 2002 you had a television series by Joss Whedon.  It starred many fine actors like Nathan Fillion, Summer Glau, and others!  It was "Firefly".  An excellent space western which didn't go so well because you aired it at the wrong time.  It's too late to bring the show back, much too late.  However, I want you to look at the fan base that has grown since it was cancelled.  I want you to think of how it would've grown if you rescheduled the show instead of canceling it in favor of crappy reality shows.  How much money might you have made?  I hope you calculate that and find out that it's a huge figure.

Then I want you to cry.  For a long time.

Love,

Khail

Improvement (another generic title brought to you by...)

      Life here in college is improving indeed!  My roommate's a pretty cool guy, though nearly as quiet as I am (sometimes).  I think I might've made a few friends and I've actually eaten a few meals.  Regarding the food, though, now there's a week long church camp using the campus, which is fine, I have fond memories of it myself from high school.  The only problem is that they clog up the cannon center line (cafeteria) during meals and I either have class to hurry to or I just really don't want to stand in line.  I'm not really that worried about missing meals except that after a few days of it I've noticed I'm getting just a little bit gaunt.  Fortunately I'm figuring out the schedule for the church camp so I'll get my weight back (which wasn't much to start out with honestly).
     On that note, did you know that if you got your body fat percentage down to below, oh, 3% that you would probably starve to death in only a matter of days?  Having a percentage of about... oh 8% (it's different for women and men) is actually healthy, and maybe even a little low.  My own body fat percentage (last time I checked) is maybe 5 or 6 percent, so I better not go for a week long fast or something.
      Here's a few things that I learned were awesome recently:
-Mumford and Sons' song "Dust Bowl Dance":  It's an extremely good song!  A bit of a downer but raw with feeling and has a great rhythm  and everything else.  Gave me goose bumps it did!  It might even trump "Little Lion Man" for me, not sure, they are both very good.  (Though the song "White Blank Page" will always have an effect on me as it was the song I put on repeat following a break-up, but I don't recommend listening to it if your having a wonderful day fully of flowers and such)
-the Firefly Series:  Seriously, this is an amazing scifi western style show.  It's got a dynamic cast and good shows plus a few things which are semi unique to a space show.  First of all, whenever it shows a space scene, there's no sound (except maybe some background music) which makes sense to me because there really wouldn't be sound in space.  Secondly, there aren't any aliens.  Just humans in space (though the reivers are hardly human).  Also it's one of the only space shows that I've seen which doesn't completely ignore religion or make up spooky space religion.   It has a Christian form of religion which isn't totally mocked like it can be in some shows and I admit that I like that.
...
I'm done typing now.

my bad, the test isn't until july 13th, not sure how I messed that up...

WHY AM I SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS?!?

So I took my first class in college today.  It was a General Education thing.  Psychology 101 is the name and one of the requirements for the term is to be a subject in a psychological experiment (you can opt out and write a paper, but I'd rather be a lab rat).  So I just decided to skim the list of choices, some were online, but do you know which one I immediately signed up for the second I saw it?
...
The one that said it involved "electrical stimulation".  Frankly it's what I wanted.  Why?  umm...
Ok first of all, I'm not a masochist.  I recognize that being shocked will hurt and I probably won't like that bit too much.  However, it's a unique experience I've never had and that intrigued me.  At least that's my first theory.
    What's really surprising me is how much I'm looking forward to it!  Why AM I looking forward to it so much? (it's tomorrow)
Well I'm stumped about it, but I'll tell you how it goes.  The experiment is called "learning and punishment".

Self-psychoanalysis

      I mentioned once that I like to psychoanalyze my self and figure things out almost from a third person standpoint.  My favorite and most useful way of doing this is how I act in social situation because I have to do everything there on demand.  This comes easily to most people and pretty easily to me if I know the people.  However, right now I'm just beginning college and of the freshmen I know NOBODY.
       This is a unique thing because until now I had pretty much my entire life to make friends in elementary/middle/high school so that I always knew someone and if I'm by someone I know I can talk to people I don't know pretty easily.  But now it's pretty much nobody.
       I'm diagnosing myself (if that's allowed) with a small touch of "Social anxiety".  I'm aware of what it is now because I'm alone in my dorm (which is fine because I have stuff to unpack).  Social anxiety basically means that when thrust into a large social scene without knowing anyone (like freshmen orientation), I sorta clam up and honestly have to force myself to breathe.  It stems from a fear of not making friends I suppose (I was going to say not being accepted, but frankly I'm pretty cool with not being accepted, just liked).  However, I also have an opposite problem which is that I don't like being the "satellite" or the person who's kinda on the edge of a conversing group or alone in the lunchroom.
        Actually that's an interesting insight.  I went to the cafeteria alone today to eat, got sorta lost finding the different selections of food so I just picked a small plate of something and sat down alone.  This made me feel awkward so I ate a bit of it and left quickly.  This in conglomeration with freshmen orientation and traveling (and a migraine) has led to me not having a good full meal in about 2 days.

Seems my "freshman 15" might be negative.  Oh well, I'll get through it!


(I got bored and took a test... here ya gohttp://www.personaldna.com/report.php?k=ErTqhMjluSJDLWX-CG-ADDCA-51d6&u=a9452792afcc )

Kens and Kents

    This is an observation that I have found throughout my life.  I have put a name to it as well.  This is the "Ken and Kent" personality type.  There are a lot of different names for my theory, as I doubt it's original, but I'll go ahead and explain it any how.  (What you need to know is that I spent a week in the boundary waters with some guys and two youth leaders named Ken and Kent.  Watching them bounce off each other was amusing).
        My theory starts with their names.  Ken's name ends with an "N" which is a vowel that could be followed by another consonant, but isn't because a Ken is still searching for the perfect consonant to end it with.  He will always be thinking of a better one.
       On the other hand, a Kent started out with ken and threw a "T" on because he thought it would be good and has been content enough with it since.  No real qualms that a different letter might be better.
       Kens need things to be perfect and in line.  They will double and even triple check things to make sure they are right and in order.  Not necessarily obsessive compulsive, but definitely nitpicky, whereas..
       Kents' philosophy is to "not sweat the small stuff".  He may cut a feature to a project if it seems redundant and usually trusts that checking something once is certainly sufficient.
                                                                 IN THE FACE OF DISASTER:
It's true that while with Ken and Kent we faced the disaster of getting quite lost in the boundary waters.  They handled it in different, and not very calm, ways.
     Ken's attitude:  WE NEED TO GET TOGETHER RIGHT NOW TO FIND OUT A WAY TO FIX THIS! WHO'S FAULT IS IT?! WAIT NOT IMPORTANT! ALRIGHT DO WE WANT TO GO THAT WAY OR THIS! SOMEONE GET ON TOP OF THAT HLL AND SEE IF YOU CAN SEE ANYTHING!  GUYS GET MOVING!
     Kent's attitude:  I'm done for!  Maybe we should call for help? Who's got their phone?  Welllll, ok we don't need an airlift... Let's stop and camp there so we can gather our surroundings... don't worry guys we'll be fine, just take it easy ok?
...
Obviously there are upsides and downsides to both reactions.  Ken's will probably get more found results, but is extremely obnoxious, whereas Kent will have you lost longer, but you're more likely not to panic.  And a final thing is how Ken and Kent refer to each other.  Here you go:
Kent on Ken:  "Ken is a perfectionist who needs everything to be right, while I have accepted that life isn't perfect and will be happy with that."
Ken on Kent:  "Kent wanted to be airlifted out!  That guy has no drive at all!"

So in life there are Kens and Kents (I'd like to remind you that they're both great people) and plenty of people in between (I lean more Kentishly in all honesty).  Where do you lie?

murggggle... (sound of pain)

I'm murgling because I have one of those "my-sleep-cycle-is-way-out-of-whack" migraines.  It makes sense, Last night I rolled into bed about 11 after swing dancing (woo!), which wouldn't really be bad except that the night before I got no sleep at a church lock-in, which was actually pretty fun for the most part.
   (Though we watched a movie called "Gnomeo and Juliet" which I will quickly review for you right now:
It's got the animation of "Shrek", which is good, but only about a quarter of the humor; it was kinda predictable.  It takes the story of Romeo and Juliet and runs it through a shredder so they can sprinkle that onto the script and has really randomly placed songs... can't say I reccomend it)
        So yeah, my sleep's pretty messed up, and with my grad party tonight it doesn't look like that's going to fix itself any time soon, but oh well!  I'm doing pretty well anyways!  I move in 5 days, and the more I think about it, the more I want the clean slate that comes with it.  Plus living without parents sounds pretty sweet overall.
        Has anyone ever attempted to make a waterproof lighter?  Probably somewhere someone has... (I'd sure buy one!)
       It's my last day of work here at the office.  Yes this means I'm blogging from work, but I'm losing no time on it since I'm on a printing project, which means I have to wait for hundreds of pages to print before I actually do anything so there's no cut in my efficiency by doing this (in case any future employers are reading this... heh heh).
      Wow... I use parentheses a lot (weird).   Whenever I use them I always sort of picture myself speaking from the side of my hand in a lowered voice... sorta like a secret or comment on what's been said (by myself?)
OW stupid brain... (though technically your brain isn't where headache pain comes from, the pain receptor nerves are around it, but not in it)

One week

So I was going to do another "depth" thing this time but just didn't really want to.  I'll get around to it, because this one's interesting, but I really don't want to go into it just now.
So I miscalculated how long I have until I go, on my old reckoning it should be 5 days from today, but I was wrong, it's actually a week...  7 days until I go very far away and say goodbye to my adolescent life (sort of, I'm not all of a sudden going to get older just because I leave, and I plan to stay somewhat mischievous)
      Saw the new X-Men Origins last night, I highly enjoyed it.
Saw something else last night (at the movie) that I honestly didn't think I'd ever see again, which affected me more than I'd like to admit.  Unsure if positive or negative, but no more thought will be given to it.  Security breached, but threat nullified.  It's all good...
      On the way to work today all I heard on the radio was really trippy music... maybe I'm on LSD!  I think I'd notice though, I'm not a druggy. Though if I was forced to drug up, I would choose LSD or some other hallucinogen.  Pot and things that make you "feel good" would seem like copping out of life.  A hallucinogen would be more like an adventure.... or possibly a nightmare, but if I chose drugs I think nightmares are inevitable anyway.
          The beginning of this week was very very hot, but now it's cooled down and it seems to be quite breezy... I'm thinking kite time!  Who's with me?

The many thoughts

I won't say I dislike my job, because I don't!  It pays well and doesn't involve flipping burgers.  Yes it can be quite tedious at times, but for nine dollars an hour, an 18 year old can't be picky.  (I'm talking about my office job, by the way.)  I only have one qualm about it, and that's that I'm really squandering my time I think.  I have very little time before I'm in college and working again, and I'm spending it in a cubicle?!?!  I should be out trying to shoot video (once I relocate my camera) or practice piano/pipe organ or make artsy things or hang out with people or...
Of course if I did get all that spare time, there's a decent chance I would squander it doing something silly and time wasteful... like playing angry birds...
I swear, sometimes I drive myself crazy

Alllllllll done! wow

It's over now.  My adolescent life is nearing it's end.  My days of required listening to adult figures or "facing the consequences" are being reduced (laws are still in effect).  I have GRADUATED!!!  I look back at my whole life since elementary school and I know it's unchangeable and that it's now a base for my future.
I have regrets, certainly.  Show me someone who doesn't and I will show you a very arrogant person.  However, I also have many many good memories of my life in my little town and elsewhere.  Sometimes when my little demon is messing with me I can't alway recall the good times as well, but I know they were there and I suspect I will recall them better as I move on with life.
...
This year I learned a lot.  Obviously from my classes, but more besides about life skills.  I'll put a few here for kicks and giggle.
-succumbing to a fear of embarrassment can kill a chance for glory or fun

-Don't assume that people don't want to talk to you or else eventually they probably won't

-No matter what you do, someone will complain about it.  Ignoring these people makes life very good

-A heartbreak with a salt shake is a very real and long-lasting pain, but...

-Dwelling on past wrongs doesn't help.  While you think bad things, the other guy's out dancing

-Love is real

-So is jealousy, but it will haunt you if you give into it

-Miracles can happen, but sometimes they need a little push

-If someone needs help fast, don't hesitate.  Ever.

-Swing dancing is fun! (I've known this for awhile, it's just been reaffirmed)

That's my learning for the year, a condensed form (of course there's more) if any of it applies to you, then... umm... cool

Khail time

I'm officially on my way to becoming Khail!  I told my future roommate, my college peer mentor, and mad the facebook switch (and everyone knows Facebook validates EVERYTHING, right?)
Mack was alright, but too shy and nervous and messed up in a few too many places.  So my clean slate with my new name Khail (Reminder: it's short for Mikhail, my full name) is going great!

Some people here don't like the idea of me changing my name, but I figure I won't see them in 10 days when I leave so they can deal with it!  I changed it now cuz it was my last day of high school ever... Suckah!