I don't really know what I think in term of my own philosophy any more. I want to be an individual and be accepting overall, but somethings just plain annoy me.
I've got a couple edges pushing on me for this. My own depression (2 weeks til therapy, good thing.), my religious background (I am faithful and plan to be forever), an atheistic older brother who I'm pretty close to (he's a little less abrasive than he used to be, so that's actually alright).
So I'd say I'm mostly accepting of what people choose to do, but I honestly get slightly upset when I find that friends are drinking, smoking, looking at porn. Sure, they seem to be happy with what they're doing, and that should be good enough for me, but they're making, in what is my opinion, really stupid decisions.
Ahghlbrbl
Where the frick am I going with this? I thought I was having a good day earlier. What happened? When will this fricking roller coaster of my life even out? When will I get to do all the fun crazy college things I should be trying (and I mean fun, not drunk, obviously). I don't even care right now if I look like the "typical freshman" right now. If that's the price of enjoying myself a LITTLE than heck it's worth it. Ugh. I can't even think straight, focus on anything, motivate myself to do anything. I get mad over stupid things, think the world's attacking me, and the worst thing is that I'm totally aware of all that.
I look back at the things I say/do when I was in a low funk and I realize how irrational I sound or how pathetic I look (I'll probably look back at this very blog post someday and think something similar). I just don't really like me. Not always. Not right now certainly. Good thing I work tonight, that usually lifts my spirits a little.
It's so sudden too! Before my second class today I was diving into my third brass choir, which I had high aspirations for. After class I just ate, hung with Daniel for a bit, and suddenly BLAM I hate things.
Mmm, no that's not accurate. I don't really hate. Never actually acquired the skill. I still see beauty in things when I'm sliding. I just feel... sad. There, I said it. I dislike sounding so weak, but yes. I'm sad. Ok? Emotions... blagh, what a mistake.
AFTER WORK: Ahh, work does make me feel better... phew!
I've got a couple edges pushing on me for this. My own depression (2 weeks til therapy, good thing.), my religious background (I am faithful and plan to be forever), an atheistic older brother who I'm pretty close to (he's a little less abrasive than he used to be, so that's actually alright).
So I'd say I'm mostly accepting of what people choose to do, but I honestly get slightly upset when I find that friends are drinking, smoking, looking at porn. Sure, they seem to be happy with what they're doing, and that should be good enough for me, but they're making, in what is my opinion, really stupid decisions.
Ahghlbrbl
Where the frick am I going with this? I thought I was having a good day earlier. What happened? When will this fricking roller coaster of my life even out? When will I get to do all the fun crazy college things I should be trying (and I mean fun, not drunk, obviously). I don't even care right now if I look like the "typical freshman" right now. If that's the price of enjoying myself a LITTLE than heck it's worth it. Ugh. I can't even think straight, focus on anything, motivate myself to do anything. I get mad over stupid things, think the world's attacking me, and the worst thing is that I'm totally aware of all that.
I look back at the things I say/do when I was in a low funk and I realize how irrational I sound or how pathetic I look (I'll probably look back at this very blog post someday and think something similar). I just don't really like me. Not always. Not right now certainly. Good thing I work tonight, that usually lifts my spirits a little.
It's so sudden too! Before my second class today I was diving into my third brass choir, which I had high aspirations for. After class I just ate, hung with Daniel for a bit, and suddenly BLAM I hate things.
Mmm, no that's not accurate. I don't really hate. Never actually acquired the skill. I still see beauty in things when I'm sliding. I just feel... sad. There, I said it. I dislike sounding so weak, but yes. I'm sad. Ok? Emotions... blagh, what a mistake.
AFTER WORK: Ahh, work does make me feel better... phew!
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