It's not even 6 am yet

So far awake from my past slumber
I feel inclined as to wonder
Why I've arisen so early from my bed

What dream is there now forgotten
What thoughts have made sleep ill-gotten
Is my consciousness a product of my head

This is the truth I can't deny
That makes my bed hard in to lie
My leaving so soon makes me sweat and shake

Though specifics are still unclear
I know something so big, so near
Steals my sleep and makes my cold heart ache

Fourteen days from now I go
Fourteen days both fast and slow
Drive me more and more and more to fear

Is it that I'm scared what to learn
Is it for home comforts I yearn
Is it just that my whole life's been here

Do I fear to be a new friend
Will my old friendships end
Will my insecurities simply go away

Can Khail fix what Mack's done
Will past regrets regress to none
Can I make my life change and change to stay

So far awake from my past slumber
I feel inclined as to wonder
Am I the only one who will fret and moan

But sensibility will dictate
I'm not the only one with this fate
And there's some comfort knowing I'm not alone


Sleep deprivation=poetry?

Demon!

I hate depression quite a lot... it always comes at the most inopportune moments...

Victory

I'm typing this post on not my usual crap laptop.  Because my usual crap laptop is behind me.  I hope I never have to use it again.  No, this post is being done on my brand new (refurbished) Macbook Pro (2010)!!!  Also my glasses just came... turns out I need them (explains why my driving has involved some fast turns of late...  So tada
I don't honestly have much me to say than that I got new stuff.  Added to my new name, this is the start of something good!
Khail... with a Macbook... and glasses (which feel kinda weird at first, but the doctor, who's my dad actually, says that goes away in a day or two) ... and I'm keeping the fedora I wear.  That's just SCREAMING Khail, while being a good link back to Mack, who I'm not anymore.

25 to go

    Got a choir concert deal coming up tomorrow and saturday... gonna be a mad time, but in a good way.  And I even got a few solos!  However, for some reason all of these solos are from songs involving some sort of heartbreak ("One is the loneliest number" and "And so it goes")... in fact it's pretty much coincidence that it ended up that way.  I think it kinda makes me look more pathetic than I am in a way, but oh well.  They're both pretty good songs.  PLUS I'm in a group which is singing the pokemon theme song, which is straight up awesome!
    I've got quite a few more vlog posts up on my channel, and only most of them are cream soda related, so if you get bored, or need something to distract you, then go check them out so I get more hits and get famous and make much money and retire early!!
      No, actually fame and wealth aren't that important to me (they are a little bit, but that just comes with being human and a bit of an actor I guess).  I like making videos because I like to make people happy!  It's my hope that you'll watch my videos and say "Oh, that was pleasant!" and then maybe have a better day or something.  I also kinda want to eventually make videos which can make you think about stuff, but one thing at a time.
       On a semi, not at all related note, I took another one of those personality tests!  Similar to the one that put me in the INFP personality type.  This one was some form of subdivisions of personality types.  I can't for the life of me remember the letters that stood for everything, but I do remember what I ended up being.
     I'm a "healer".
  This essentially means that I look at problems, generally referring to other people, and want to do something that will make them right or happy again.  This isn't new to me as I've always had some sort of sense of empathy, but by having it told to me by a test, it makes it more legit right?
         In a way I feel more like a "wannabe-healer" because I'm not usually the most forward of people (heck it took me a month to psyche myself up enough to text a girl I liked) so I don't always take the initiative in helping people.  Stupid "I" in INFP!!!! (I stands for "introverted")  Maybe I'll be more extravertish in college.  When I'm Khail!!

25 days til I leave

Clean slate

           My favorite thing about going to an out of state school (in 30 days... woah) is definitely that I get a clean slate.  It's not that I have anything I severely regret, or that I've committed any crimes or anything, but I still like the thought of getting to be something of a new person.  I can't always say I've liked who I am here, so I hope I'll like who I am there.
         One of the things I'm thinking I'm going to do to help me go fresh is change my name...  Not legally or anything, just my nickname.  Let me say some stuff to help make some sense of this.
    My name is Mikhail, but for nearly my entire life I have gone by the nickname of Mack.  I guess Mack is an alright name, but I'm not sure I like where it's gotten me so far.  A few exes... many insecurities... somewhat not terrible music ability... nothing terrible...  but I want to be more than a fourth place kinda guy.  Ambition stuff...
         So if I go with this, my new nickname will be Khail!  Khail is my full name minus the "Mi"  I think it sounds a bit more edgy (Not at all related to "kale" which is a kind of cabbage, but not a kind of me,)

Khail...  it has a ring to it...

Welcome back

Seems like it's been forever since I posted.  Can't say I've got much of an excuse, because lots of things have been happening in all truth.  Now if only I could remember them...

SENIORITIS!!!!!   I've got a terminal case of senioritis... I need to be GONE!  (FYI I move out to college in Utah in 37 days from this post... oh man)  Especially since it was the senior band banquet today, which was pretty nostalgic now that I think about it...  I'm really leaving soon.

         On that note, I feel inclined to put down a fear of mine.  A deep set, untameable fear... Did I leave a mark?  Did I in some way add something to where I've been for my entire childhood up until now leave something that people will remember me for?  It's a pathetic thing to pine about, I realize this.  Hoping and fearing will not change the past, I'm not The Doctor unfortunately (or am I?  mwa ha ha) I might as well just accept I've been who I've been and let people see that as they will...  Not an easy concept for me, I've been a bit of a sucker for the spotlight, hence my getting into acting.

         Well, I do have one thing I can't ever regret, which was prom with Spirit!  It went off seamlessly perfect!  Can't think of one part of the night I didn't enjoy.  Not even my few near misses on the road!  It's particularly rare for something to be that fun for the entirety of the event!