Pain unfolded

...
...
...
      A boy saw a girl.  He saw her beauty, her personality, her love of life.  He saw her talent, her intellect, and so much more.  He didn't think anything could happen, she was so much.
 ...
      The boy met with fortune and the boy got the girl.  They were happy, they had fun, rough spots were few and far between and never anything to trouble them.  The boy wondered how he had become so lucky to have the girl.  Life was beautiful.
 ...
      They were in love.
...
     And then things changed.  There was a sudden distance, a fissure which the boy didn't at first understand.  He tried to pry with little success and feared with good reason.  The girl was holding something back.
 ...
      Finally on a day in March, the girl let him know.  They couldn't be together, time was not on their side.  She said the pain would be better now than in the near future.  She said it had to end.
 ...
      The boy saw her wisdom, he didn't fight, he wasn't mad.  Only hurt.  He knew she was right, time travels so fast, and they couldn't last.
...
      The problem with love is that it knows not sense.  It won't fly away at simple truths.  So for now the boy will hurt, get better later, but not now.  For now there is only the pain unfolded.
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     Oh my Trocker... my dearest, loveliest, and now farthest away Trocker...

The most free prison

      I can blame xkcd for this one.
           I'm trapped in the most free prison (I don't know the correct spelling for free-est... freest might be it, but it just looks wrong).  This prison allows me to see two distorted spots of light which change as I move.  I'm surrounded by easily manipulative meat.  This prison gives me sensations of an external world which I naively assume to exist as it looks, smells, feels, tastes, and sounds like (though I miss on some sounds I know because my hearing's really not that good).  This prison is my body.  The two lights, though they seem as one, are my eyes.  The meat is my brain and body.  And now I can use all of this to experience reality to the best (well sometimes the best) of my ability.  And in all honesty I don't ever really doubt that the world felt from my familiar prison is real.  Nor do I ever get down about having a conscious mind trapped in a body, it's what I have and there's no reason to get worked up over it. 
       Occasionally I think it's good though to just admire what I can and can't do.  I can't immediately see from the top of a tower just by wanting to, my having a body sees to that, but on the other hand, I have the freedom of mobility at all which my body allows.  What a curious thing is life.

"It takes a very unusual mind to undertake the analysis of the obvious."
-Alfred North Whitehead
(I have no idea who that is, but I like the quote.  I guess this means I'm unusual, which comes as no surprise.)

As usual

   Yes as usual I have rationalized and calmed down.  It took longer than usual, a whole extra day.  Normally I blow stuff off earlier than that.  I'm still not mad at anybody, but now I'm going easier on myself too, which is a first I think.  I only get one me, so I may as well go a bit easier on him.  Not saying I'm ot still disappointed on how last week turned out, but that I've gotten over it (as long as I don't think about mini golf *shiver*)
       So I apologize for these last few real worldly posts, I'll get back to ideas and concepts or whatever in the future.
Have a good one!

Steam usually comes out of a...

        ...Vent... that's what I'm going to selfishly and wholeheartedly do right now about this last week I've had, because right now I'm bloody tired of just trying to keep calm and be supportive and yadda yadda yadda...
        Allow me to set the scene: A band trip to Florida for spring break, bursting with an agenda of amazing fun things to do, such as four amusement parks (three of them disney, one universal), a beach visit, a hotel with three pools two hot tubs, and a mini golf course (I LOVE mini golf!).  Add to this the fact that with me would be a girl who's pseudonym has been used enough that you know to whom I'm referring.  It was set up to be a week of heaven, pure and perfect.  I was excited for all of it.
       I'll start with what went right, as that list is so much shorter.  Well:
-Harry Potter World, in Universal studios, was indeed a fantastic experience.  I did miss a few rides that I would've liked, but went on the best one anyhow.
-At the previously mentioned place I discovered Butterbeer, which is the most delicious cream soda I've ever tasted (and I'm a cream soda connoisseur)
-The band workshop we did with a disney guy wasn't half bad.  It involved our band teacher having to make animal sounds.  Woo!
-We ordered pizza in our room, which complemented the 4 cases of glass bottle root beer I brought (IBC and Virgils, both good companies)
-We saw a Cirque Du Soleil show, which was amazing
And that's all I can really think of
         Now to go absolutely mad with some pent up frustrations:
-Previously mentioned female who I was excited to be with ended up having, what she described to be, her worst case of Panic Males Syndrome (work the letters out) which lasted all week.  I do feel bad for her, it probably ruined her week too.
-This meant that enjoying amusement park rides was out of the question, and since I wanted to be with her, I did go on very few, yes my fault.
-The 30 hour bus ride there and back was good and bad.  Sometimes there were plenty of engaging moments of funtime stuff.  The rest of the time was me being a sleep-deprived pillow, which is ok 'til your leg falls asleep, or taken for granted and ignored which can hurt after a few trips of it.  Eventually I was afraid of having my head bitten off, and just stopped attempting to talk which made a bit of awkwardness, yes my fault.
-That happened in the park as well sometimes.
-I never got to go mini golfing (tears) because the one night that we actually had time, my friend Samwise (who wanted to play with me) was downtown, and she didn't want to...  I'd say the worst part of that night however was again my fault because she all of a sudden began to have fun and energy, but I was already broken by trying to coax response all day (nearly fruitlessly) and I became a wet blanket for that night (Wednesday if you care to know), yes my fault.
-One of my roomates snored.  I can't sleep when there's snoring.  Can't blame him... can't say it helped anything for me though.
-Apparently I'm much less interesting than someone else I know.  Some Latvian.  I'm not jealous or angry, it's surely my fault.
-I just...
This list is failing, I'm just stressed and crabby and need a whole new vacation to replace this one which was effectively ruined.  The perfect week... ha...
I'd like to say I'm not mad at anyone.  Especially my Trocker, I bet her week was no party either given the circumstances, and I really hope I was supportive enough and doing the right things, the last thing I could be is upset.
But I do have all this pent up frustration and so-done-with-everythingness that I feel I need to take out on SOMEbody.  So as usual, trying to be the nice guy, I'll take it out (not physically) on the one person who I know how much they can take.  In fact, it's who I almost always lay the blame on.

Myself.

Never write yourself off as something

       If I were to put myself into a social class or "clique", I would hands down say nerd/geek.  I'm okay with that, and I know darn well why.  I love the internet/computers in general, I'm not athletic and don't care too much for sports, I can be socially awkward, and some of my favorite movies are Star Wars (Old trilogy is better!), Lord of the Rings, etc...  (though inception is still in my top 10).  One of my favorite things to do is read... all in all, I'm nerdy is what I'm trying to say.  And for awhile I totally embraced this or whatever.  I was M.B.easy, the geek (rock on!)
     As I've gotten older I've been wondering what parts of my life have been shaped because I insisted on being a band/computer nerd in all things, and what I've missed out on.  And now, just this last term, it's been made apparent.
      By a series of procrastination and schedule failure things, I ended up in Welding as an Art, a Dreaded Shop Class.  Upon entering, it was clear that even though it had the word "art" in the class title, this class attracted a different kind of person.  A bigger, more football-prone agricultural person, which was a bit shocking.  I was worried.
       Allow me to say that at this point I'm still somewhat-resigned-to-nerdiness M.B.easy, and if I resolved to stick to it, I probably would not be enjoying welding at all right now.  Instead,  I figured I should just walk in and do my best to actually see what the class was about.
     I'm shocked.  Not only has Welding become one of my favorite classes, but I'm surprisingly good at it!  (Not great, as I've only been in it half a term now, but improving quickly)  Also, the larger and slightly more relying-on-their-body people are turning out to be not hard at all to get along with.  I doubt I'd ever want to chill after school with them, but they have style which is amusing at times.
       Had I just looked at this class as a nerd-and-nerd-alone person, I doubt I would like it at all and would be too intimidated or unentertained to have gotten too far in the class (and I am a klutz, I've burned myself slightly twice, teehee) Yet here I am, enjoying something I didn't think I could because I won't conform to something (all due respect to nerds out there).

Wellllllllllllll.... ok, I admit, I made a lightsaber out of metal today.... still gotta love my geek stuff

Perspective

The universe is really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really
big.

And I am only an infinitesimal part of it, practically nothing in fact.

So I guess another piece of cake won't make that much of a deal.

AAAAALWAYS LOOK AT THE BRIIIIIIIGHT SIDE OF LIFE!
(Whistle)

Carpe Diem

Seize the day!  Doesn't sound too bad to me, but I'm realizing how hard it is to break routine and try new things every day, but this is what I want to try!  The out of the ordinary things that I don't usually do.  Adventure!

But so far that's all talk, need to get in on the action of it!  It's like that for a lot of things, all talk, no walk ("No right to complain" by Trombone Shorty, another fine band).  Well I've got plans for it, and none of them involve my current headache (besides, it's sunday, and that will always be my day of rest).

I'm going to Florida in a week for spring vacation (with my high school concert band and Trocker) so I'm bound to have an adventure or two there!  Woo!

Inspired

        There is a little seed in me.  This seed is made of pure inspiration.  Lately, I've been wondering whether it's been malnourished because most of the things I've made lately (mostly music) have been of a mediocre variety and involving only my ukulele, which I am not giving it the deserved justice of a cool instrument. 
         One of my finest inspired works was last years brass choir.  I play French Horn in band, and Trumpet in Jazz band (which I've probably mentioned before) so I know a thing or two about brass instrumentation.  I also have a program on my computer called Finale (2008) which makes composing sheet music easier, as it allows playback and makes small corrections.  So I thought I'd putter around on it, made a few duets and such and then somehow I just had the idea to make a Brass Choir (3 trumpets, 4 french horns, 2 trombones, 1 bass trombone, 1 euphonium, and 1 tuba), and wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles, it turned out sounding not bad at all.  Got me an honorary mention from our state music association for youths (which has a composition section).  It's called "The Peregrination".  If I can find the midi file (which does the song not too much justice) I'll put it up, or maybe even the live performance which my school was kind enough to allow me to conduct.  Hurrah for public education!
        Since then I haven't had much in the way of amazing inspiration...
Until last Tuesday.

          Ladies and gentlemen, my confused jumble of a mind literally sent me a song in a dream.  Or rather I had a dream about I-forget-what and this melody was playing in my head when I awoke... and then harmonies evolved and I knew I had to get it down.  And so "Ghosts of the mountain", my second brass choir, is now nearing perfect completion.  I'm hoping my band teachers will again allow me to put together a group to play it.  It has a rather speedy-dirge like feel if that makes any sense... I'll put that up too if I can!

Oh! But this is exciting!