New Blog

You may have noticed I never post here anymore.  I decided to start a new blog in which I will be adding little crummy doodles to accentuate what I'm saying, plus it will be more organized.
http://raisethegates.tumblr.com/
is the place to find me saying the stupid things I say now!  Go check it out, yo homes!

Experiment

I could whine about depression again, but you've got lives to live and I have better things to say.

So, if you didn't know, I'm looking into going into the sound recording technology major, which is in the music department.  My ideal jobs would be either a music recorder (hopefully one day getting my own studio) or a folie artist.  Anytime you hear a cool sound effect in a movie or TV show, you can thank the folie artist that made and recorded it (and probably edited it too).
Basically sound is going to be very important to me for the next rest of my life (and I have imperfect eardrums.  Am I an idiot?)
So in order to become better acquainted with what will become my most important sense, I'm doing an experiment this memorial day.  I'm going blind.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do, as a simple scarf around my head won't cut it, and duct tape could rip out all my eyelashes, but I'll figure it out.  By going blind for a day, I hope to be able to perceive and recognize sounds and thus be more able to recreate them in a controlled environment (which would be cool as a music recorder and extremely useful as a folie artist).

Obviously, I cannot function perfectly as a blind man.  I have a decent internal compass, so moving about my dorm shouldn't be a problem, but I want to get outside.  Fortunately, my roommate Daniel has agreed to assist me in this endeavor, in that he will keep me from dying.  That's always nice.  Thank you Daniel.

So let's hope this goes well.

Nope

Nope nope nope nope nope so much nope.

That's from a youtube.  Why haven't I updated my youtube recently?  I don't know.  I can't say.  I wanted to practice three hours of organ today but it looks like I'll only get in two, because if I went now it would be fruitless.  I'm unfocused.  I'm unstable.

What?

I put on a hoodie with no shirt for no reason.  Why did I do that?  Why am I this way?  Can I be better?  Sure I can.  Will I be better?  Maybe... I don't know


Oh carry on my wayward son just came on.  That's probably good.

So much nope.

Awright, das fine

Hey, it's been awhile, hasn't it?  I bet no one reads this post because they've all given up on me being on the internet.  I haven't even done a vlog post recently.  Well at least my comic's been running smoothly lately.  You should go check it out, right?

So what've I been up to... hmmmmm.  Well Spring term is sprung and I'm really liking my classes.  They're, piano, organ, and new testament in case you forgot.  The best, however, is Organ.  Pipe Organs are my favorite instrument and now I'm learning to play them?!?! frickin AWESOME!  I'm putting in 2 hours a day plus class, which is pretty good for me as I've had trouble in the past with practicing things.  Yay Khail!

On a lesser note, the girl I was attracted to decided to (very sweetly and politely) turn me down.  We're still friends, but maaaaaan.  Oh well, I'm really not hurt or nothing like that, just a bit disappointed.  It was last week anyhow.
I also have recently invented a delicious shake.  But it's a SECRET!  Ok, no it's not, because the fact that you read this blog should finally have a reward, so here's my amazing shake recipe:
In a blender, mix up:
5-6 largish scoops of cookies 'n cream ice cream
2 tsp of vanilla extract (imitation ok)
2 tbsp of honey (approximately, I didn't actually measure these)
1 can of Dr. Pepper

Mix until liquid.  It's not the thickest of shakes, but very good.

I'm also planning on tweaking that recipe to make it both tastier and thicker.  Probably more ice cream would help, but I've got a pretty small blender.

As for my "emotional health"  (such a stupid phrase, makes me sound like I'm gonna run off and kill some bros).  Well, ah, I guess I'd say I've been 60% good, maybe 65%, still that's 35% of the time that I feel "off", but I'd only put about 4% of that as actually getting really down on myself.  I think that's pretty good.  Besides, I'm starting to think that being genetically predisposed to be depressed sometimes has given me perspective more than anything.

Darn

I've been doing so well?!  Why am I depressed again?!

It could be the change in location just taking a brief toll... it could be my inability to utter a word around certain female... it could be uncertainty about what my future holds.... it could be an imbalance of nor epinephrin and/or serotonin.

This is not fun

That old feeling

It's the last day before I move to a new dorm with Daniel, and also the day a LOT of the friends I've made go home for Spring/Summer.  For some reason it felt familiar.
Then I realized what it felt like:
I used to camp with some guys from my church every now and then.  We also did week long hiking trips every now and then.  We got to know the best and the worst of each other while on these trips, and we always had adventures.  Campfire smoke became a scent we all adopted (it usually covered our body odor pretty well) and we all hailed the easily boiled meals that we had packed.  Disasters struck every now and then and we all had to move through them, and there were also plenty of amazing and hilarious moments that made everything worth it.  In the end we were worn out, smelly, and full of memories.  We knew that we were going back to a world of comfort and luxury compared to the bush we had shuffled through (And occasionally the swamps).  Even getting into the car was a relief to our strained muscles and we knew a hot shower and a rock-free bed awaited us.
And yet there's was still  that lingering smell of campfire smoke on our clothes, even after we had cleaned ourselves up, as if to remind us that we were by no means to forget the time spent and the adventures had.  We'd all be friends still, but not much could compare.

I'm sort of feeling the same way now as everyone goes on to take on different this 'n that's in their lives now that freshman year is done.... but there will always be this distinct feeling of campfire smoke when I think about the time we had...

Places

Well our college church ward had it's last little get together tonight.  Sad days.  Life I guess.

So.... there's a girl...  It's been quite some time since there's been a girl.  Like... I mean... what do I DO?  A:  Ask her out
I already did that, now what?
A:  Ask her out again if you think she enjoyed herself
Well.... yeah I think she did... and we do talk a good deal I suppose... and get along quite well... But what do I do?
A:  Repeating myself like this is tiring
Sorry
A:  No problem
Any good date ideas?
A:  Uh...  you're on your own for that...
So, I guess I have a crush on someone once again.  That's peculiar.  The good news is that she's staying for spring, and in the same complex as me, so I have many chances to fail at flirting.
Yippee!

Sweet mother of finals!

Man I haven't posted in ages it seems like!  I must've been happy, as this is a whiny blog and I haven't had too much to whine about.  That's kinda nice!
So I guess I'll go back to this blog being a mix of my life and various ideas/philosophies I have.  Recently my life's philosophy is a mix between "go with the flow" and "roll with the punches".  I used to (and still sometimes do) stress out about the small things.  Maybe not on a social level as much, since I'm fairly chill as to my "image" and such.  More so about how good I'm doing at school, with my music, and various other hobbies.  While I still recognize that these aren't things I can just roll with, I'm now of the persuasion that when I mess up, I'll still wake up tomorrow and the world will still be turning (well there's a good 99% chance of that barring my untimely death or the apocalypse).
It's a bit generic, but something nice to live by, and I think it's been doing me a world of good.  Haven't been depressed very often at all lately (spring weather is helping too).

Finals week is upon me next week!  But thank heavens that due to early finals, I only have three and should be done with them by wednesday, and then I'm done with this semester!  Woo!  And spring term is gonna be AWESOME!
Do you know why?  I'll tell you why:
In Spring, one only needs 6 credit hours to be a fulltime student.  So I'm taking a piano class, and organ class, a new testament class and I'll still be working as a prep cook.  So basically Spring is gonna be all about music, food, and Jesus.  Way chill!  Maybe I'll gain the courage to ask certain female out again, cuz she's staying too.
I'm content.